Big City Problems
I shudder at the thought of how many hours I must have spent flicking through my social media and google searches for anything, something, to capture my imagination and give me some hope of change.
Was there life on the other side of the drudgery? Why didn’t the city life excite me anymore?
When in such a dire situation, it’s easy to romanticise a life outside of your own. To see what others are doing and idealise their lifestyles. The problem with this is, when it’s coming from a place of brokenness, resentment and jealously, it can actually have the opposite effect. When your thoughts are misaligned with your actions, you invite disorder into your life. So much of my thinking revolved around craving what others had and quite frankly, how much I wanted to just give my city life the big fat middle finger and run away from it all (preferably to a little cabin in the mountains raising some chickens and ‘peacing out’ to the sound of nature while doing yoga each morning). Stuck in this frame of mind, all I could see were the problems in my life rather than the solutions.
I realise my scenario back then was by no means unique. There are few people I’ve met who haven’t faced such existential questions in life. What is unique about my story is that I decided to do something about it. Rather than remain in my black hole of self-loathing, envy and self-pity, I put on my big girl shoes, the kind that scream ‘she’s a responsible, caring and highly valuable contributing member of society,’ and started to do something about my life.
And no, I didn’t just flick the finger to the city and flutter off into the rolling green hills to live happily ever after.
Sometimes the big, scary, ‘let’s turn your world upside down and inside out,’ kind of change is needed. It’s like electrocuting yourself out of zombie-mode and into something new, exciting and challenging that suddenly injects a spark back into your life. And other times, it’s the seemingly teeny-tiny changes, day by day, that are needed. The ones that accumulate into a rolling snowball so over time, this snowball gains such momentum that the natural next step to take is to fulfil those crazy dreams you had.